Dear Marley

First and foremost I want you to know that you were and are loved. From the very second I knew you were there I was so excited and hopeful. I pictured what life with you would be like. I saw myself holding you, nursing you, and guiding you. I felt your hand in mine and I saw us walking together. I watched you playing with your brother and sister, smiling and laughing. I saw you wrap your tiny fingers around your fathers. 

But none of it happened. Suddenly everything felt wrong and all the things I saw started to slip away. One moment your were there and the next you were gone. I saw your little body not moving and your heart not beating.I held your entire body in the palm of my hand and it still feels unreal. 

I don't know what to do or say. I don't know how to pick up the pieces of my life and put it all back together. I'm not sure well to go from here.