Dear Body, Stop Sucking. Dear Brain, You Too.

I don't know what to do. My body seems to hate me! I've had joint pain since I was a little girl. I don't even remember not hurting. 

I have always had a poor immune system. I'm less sick now than I've ever been, but growing up I got everything that went around. The family recently got sick and I got it worse and was sick longer than everyone else put together.

I'm a big baby about going to see a doctor and haven't actually gone in about six years (other than urgency care twice and the ER once). I really should go I have mass amounts of stomach pain quite often. I recently started having a new pain in my stomach, hence the trip to the ER, and apparently I now have issues with my gallbladder. 

I want to be healthy! I hate that I feel like I take much better care of myself than a huge chunk of the population, but I wouldn't consider myself in good health.

I NEED to try harder I guess. I need to stop doing anything that could be remotely bad for me and live in a bubble. 

If you can't tell I'm feeling bitter, I am.

I've been trying to keep my chin up and stay positive, but every thing that gets thrown our way just makes it harder and harder. 

When we went to burry Marley Anna slid downhill on her face and got right back up and ran right back up! Why can't I naturally be more like that?

Easter

I just have to say that those kids did an amazing job coloring eggs all by themselves!

Happy Easter!

School!

We used a considerable chunk of tax money to buy some Montessori school supplies for the kids. Here are some shots of our school efforts thus far.

Nanna's New Dresses

 I may or may not have been on a dress making kick lately. If it wasn't for the fact that I managed to break my sewing machine there would be a lot more judging by the huge pile of unfinished ones sitting in my craft room!

Weaving Ivy

I spent a good portion of my high school career weaving ivy for advanced art classes (I took three!). Apparently it was good training for parenthood.

Symbolism of a Knit Blanket

Right after I miscarried Marley I got what I guess you could call a surge of creativity. I needed to keep my hands busy. I needed to keep my mind off things. I started a blanket with all of my scrap yarn I'd been using to make granny squares. I worked nonstop for hours on that blanket, but then felt like something was off about it and measured the width witch turned out to be just over ten feet! I decided to tear it apart and start over.

I can even begin to describe the feeling that went along with tearing it all apart. I felt like I had wasted hours of my life for no good reason. I needed to make something and it didn't happen. I was so disappointed and felt so drained I considered not trying again. Then I realized how much my feeling about the blanket aligned with how I was feeling about Marley.  

I couldn't resist the idea that making the blanket might just be healing for me. It would be a physical representation of picking up the pieces of my life and putting it back together just as tearing out the original was representative of the loss itself.

I sincerely feel like I may be putting to much into a simple scrap blanket, but somehow it just feels important.

Embroidered Healing

I embroidered this as part of my healing process. As soon as I remember to I need to add the name of the author!